"I have just come to the realization that I have raised a 'softie’. I initially thought that 'others' were responsible for the issues my child faced, but now I understand that we parents are ultimately accountable for what has transpired.
We often desire for our children not to suffer and to have a better life than we did. I believed that providing everything and making life easier would result in my child's happiness. From a young age, I did everything for him because I wanted to shield him from suffering or hardship. However, the outcome is a child who is perpetually tired, bored, unhappy, frequently unwell, and complains that the world isn't prepared for his brilliance. I often attributed these issues to problems within the school or society, but I finally understood: IT'S THE RESULT OF MY OVERPROTECTION. I was mistaken in thinking that overprotection equaled love.
As a child, I had to walk an hour in the rain and mud to get to school, and even with wet feet, I felt happy because I loved to learn. Once at school, I engaged fully with my studies and complied with everything the teacher requested. Afterward, I walked another hour home, helped my father in the fields, which instilled in me the value of hard work, and assisted my mother in the kitchen, where I learned to cook. I completed my homework independently and still had time to play with my neighbors or invent games. I was never bored, tired, or sick; I felt fulfilled and happy.
In stark contrast, my child's daily life is vastly different. Each morning, before waking him, I warm his room because it gets quite cold. Then, I gently rouse him with his alarm, so he starts the day in a good mood. However, as soon as he opens one eye, he begins to complain about school, insisting that his teacher doesn’t like him, he has no friends, and he just wants to stay home with me. There have been many occasions where I’ve felt pity for him and let him stay back, but he still needs to study. To calm him down, I turn on the TV, help him get dressed, and give him his milk. Meanwhile, I prepare his backpack, sign school notes, check everything, and pack his snacks because my child is still learning to be responsible. I brush his hair and help him with his teeth. When the school bus arrives, he is glued to the TV, so I ask the driver to turn up the heat, fearing that he’ll catch a chill. He travels in a sweat, arrives at school, and does little to nothing. When he returns home, he neither helps out nor does his homework independently. Thankfully, with technology, all the mothers are in a WhatsApp group, allowing us to assist our children with their assignments.
I often talk to my child and believed that today’s children were different—that schools should motivate them to learn, as it was their responsibility. I have frequently visited the school to voice my concerns about bullying from his classmates and their reluctance to play with him. I couldn’t understand what was happening. Despite giving everything to my child, he seemed unable to do anything for himself. He wakes up late, struggles to go to bed on time, attends school with heating, never gets cold, yet resists going to school, lacks motivation to study, and simply doesn’t engage. I remind him that studying is his only responsibility. He finds everything boring, even though I purchase or create games for him and plan engaging activities.
He lives in a constant state of boredom, fatigue, and confusion; he frequently falls ill, and the cycle continues. I have finally acknowledged that I have raised a 'softie’.
