Is it the same to "listen to my child in silence, trying to understand what they're telling me, or to listen to my child while feeling compelled to provide answers"?
Ralph Boughton articulates what children experience when parents don’t truly listen:
LISTEN
"When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to explain why I shouldn't feel that way, you undermine my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel the need to resolve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I requested is that you listen—not talk or act, just listen to me. Advice is inexpensive, and I can handle it myself.
I may be feeling a bit discouraged, but I'm not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fears and vulnerabilities.
However, when you simply acknowledge that my feelings are valid, no matter how irrational they may appear, I stop trying to persuade you. I can then begin to understand the roots of my irrational feelings. Once I achieve this, the solutions become clear, and I no longer need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we comprehend their underlying causes. Perhaps that’s why, for some people, prayer is helpful; God remains silent and doesn’t offer advice or try to fix things; He just listens and allows you to find your own way.
Please, listen to me, and if you want to speak, wait your turn, and I will listen to you."
